Saturday, June 24, 2006

Letting go...

Today as thoughts were arising, I began to try to work on them. To work to "let them go". When I suddenly realised that by trying to let them go, I was holding on to them or pushing them away. Just exactly what is not beneficial in serene reflection. Let that thought go! Let that thought go! Was a mantra that was running through my head and I felt how I was becoming more and more frustrated as I held onto or pushed the thoughts away, while in the meantime doing so seemed to open up a waterfall, a cascade of more thoughts! Frustration arose, judgmental thoughts arose that this was something I could never do!

Then ever so calmly, ever so compassionately the "Still, Small Voice" simply said: "They will pass..." It was a small moment of complete understanding: Letting go still has an Ego involved, I/ME/ MINE-thoughts...in letting them pass, there is no "doer" or "doing".

How wonderful it is to hear the "Still, Small Voice", even in the roaring of the cascade of trying to let go!

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Bombs and Karma

Every once in a while it happens here. Something from the past rises to the surface and has to be delicately taken care of. Here it is bombs that fell more than sixty years ago. And here in Frankfurt just yesterday, a bomb was finally pushed by the earth to the surface. It had been at rest for a very long time, but now there it was again---a danger, a piece of the past ready to explode or simply ready to be set to peace. And amazingly enough, no chaos ensued. Sure, they had to shut down trains from certain stations going in certain directions. However, there was no panic. It was simply handled with care and concern without any anxiety.

As I thought about it, I could see how often these "bits and pieces", these "karma bombs" rise up from time to time to the surface when I'm meditating. Can I learn, have I learned to deal with them the same way the bomb here in the city yesterday was handled? With care and concern, with serene reflection, without panic and anxiety, without triggering it to explode. That is the way for a bomb to be removed, disarmed and let go. Devoid of emotions about the past, how this bomb fell because of a fight or anger or ignorance. Removed, disarmed and let go.

A good lesson from the past, from the earth, from what is given, from what is let go of.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Feathered Friends, Webbed Friends

Last night on the news, I was really struck with the incredible compassion there can be for our "feathered friends". In a German city yesterday a dog attacked a family of swans. Sadly, one of the little ones was killed and the father severly injured as he tried to protect his offspring. The mother and other young ones escaped without injury. I thought how wonderful this was of concern and on the news. They showed how the father was being taken care of to be brought back to health and then they instructed people about how to train their dogs and keep them from causing such suffering. It was a nice counterbalance to what I saw on Sunday as a father showed his son how he could chase the waterfowl on a lake with his battery operated toy-boat. The birds were completely under stress and after a few minutes they were all in a corner of the lake.

Then this morning I saw a picture of a seal who had been saved and returned to the wild. A great act of compassion, a lesson to learn, something to always be aware of---we are all connected. Here's the link to the picture:

http://cfapp2.rockymountainnews.com/slideshow/slideshow.cfm?type=WORLD&ID=061406world&NUM=2

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

NOBLE SILENCE

''When you are gathered together, bhikkshus, there are two things to be done: discuss dhamma or maintain the noble silence.''
-Ariyapariyesana Sutta-

Silence, something that we all often seek, but all too often feel an itch within because we want to ask and be answered. Thoughts bubbling along the stream of the mind, often wish to reach the surface with a comment and rather than follow the ''silent teaching'' that is all around us, we lose sight of it by words. We want to ask, which breaks the silence, and then we want to hear a clear and loud answer, which also breaks the silence. Today, I learned what Noble Silence means, but not by uttering one word, nor hearing one word in answer.

On my walk this morning, through a park which was just being warmed by the first rays of summer, I came upon a small pond and as I escaped the sun over a bridge cooled by the roof of leaves, I looked down into the water to see a mother duck and just one, very tiny duckling. My first thoughts came along at how strange it was to see only one duckling with a mother, had there been others who had been trampled in their shells, or eaten soon after birth by scavenging dogs or cats? How could this little one survive, so tiny, so fragile? But those questions were not important, they were just distractions from what was really happening. Bubbling up, bubbling out, but I was lucky to be alone, so there was no one to ask or answer. How easy it is to slip into the past, to what could or might have been. Or fall into the future of what might be. You see, as an English teacher, I know these constructions are called ''conditional''. It was not at all important to that moment.

What was important was really seeing what was being taught. Yes, there was teaching here as there is everywhere.

When the mother duck went close to the shore and nibbled at what was growing there, so did the duckling, without a moments hesitation. No question asked. When a large labrador came close to the edge of the pond with his proding nose and outstretched tongue, she moved quickly away and the duckling followed in her wake. I watched for a long time as every move she made was mimicked by her offspring. No questions asked. Even when she dunked her head and wiggled her tail, in what seemed to be delight in the new, warm summer morning---so, too, did the little duckling, who had to shake his whole body just to get his tail to move. His head went under for a moment and came up sputtering a bit. But he was learning, in noble silence. Then, as the shade retreated from the pond, the mother duck pulled herself up onto the shore. The embankment was no small matter. And to my surprise, without any effort and without the slightest *cheep*, the duckling somehow was on the shore, next to his mother, having learned exactly what he needed. Both pressed themselves close to each other and fell into a short morning nap.

As I walked away, I thought about how often I haven't been silent and how I should just watch those around me, to learn the best I can by seeing, without confusing it with too many questions and answers, the *cheep* *cheep* *cheep* that can fill the air, making it more difficult to stay afloat or get back on shore. Sometimes it's good to be the lone duckling!

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Swan

This is no wild place that I have come upon. A park, in the city, with a crowded pond, both on and around: web-footed, pawed and shoed. On my own two feet, I carry a heavy load today, going back home. This is no wild place; no place where they are alone, but somehow they are. They have found a seclusion of their own, but not a separation. They are here with everything. Yet, solitary.
Two swans, somehow out of place here among the common things of a park in the city in the middle of spring. Standing on the edge of a pond which has a cement edge and no earthy bottom. Among abandoned bottles and wet and soggy newspapers filled with the past; among fallen petals of trees shedding the heavy weight of blossoms, only later to take the burden of fruit. Here in the litter and fragments of our lives, they raise their necks in a wide arch, ruffle a feather or two and preen themselves. Taking away what is not needed, old down or a split and tattered feather. They, like the trees, know that we cannot hold on. Hold on.
They let go again of this moment, stretch their necks high and spread their wings into an effortless elegance, here, with everything. Then a trumpet and they are off and up and away. After the echo of their call and flap of wings, I hear the snore of the drunk on the bench, the bark of a dog, the delight of a child splashing in water. Here with everything, yet solitary. I go home, my load left behind.

Monday, June 12, 2006

A long time...

Wow! How quickly time truyl passes! I was so busy getting students ready for their final tests and reading so many of their papers that I forgot to write! And how I've missed my blog here. Again, it is seeing what is important in the day...and somehow this was forgotten here. The past few weeks I have somehow been confronted with many images of water and wings. One of the students that I have for a one-to-one has been interested in reading literature and we just finished the book, Birds Without Wings by Louis Bernières. Of course, the book is full of images about birds, but the most important is a short line towards the beginning of the book: "Man is a bird without wings, ...and a bird is a man without sorrows."

At the same time I was reading a book by Charlotte Joko Beck where she compares us to "whirlpools" and this was a very helpful image for me. Here are a few quotes:
"What we can best do for ourselves and for life is to keep the water in our whirlpool rushing and clear so that it is just flowing in and flowing out. When it gets all clogged up, we create troubles---mental, physical, spiritual."
"A stagnant whirlpool with defended boundaries isn't close to anything."
So, for the next while, I'll be talking about Water and Wings!