Back from Jukai

Well, I must say that Jukai has really been one of the most important events in my life. I don't want to go into to detail about the rituals because I think it is important that people do not know about them before they go...that makes their power and effect even that much greater.

One thing that was so powerful for me was the idea of "Pure Intent" that somewhere at sometime our karma started from it. That means there was not some dark and evil thing, just something very confused. During the Sange ceremony, I suddenly had the realization that as a child I only hoped for love/ compassion and harmony. From this, however, came confusion and I slowly made a knot of confusing love with sex and by trying to create harmony whereever I could, I began to lie constantly. Somewhere along the line, all of this just pulled tighter and tighter on the knot. And then during the ceremony I began to feel the loosening of it!

Wonderful!

Do not debase the Three Treasures

Well, tomorrow the physical part of my journey to Jukai starts. This time tomorrow I'll be sitting on a plane on my way to London and then from London to Newcastle and from there bus, train and taxi to Throssel Hole. A long way...and a long way since I wanted to go to Jukai for the first time. As I looked at this Precept this morning I saw what Dogen wrote:

"To do something by ourselves, without copying others, is to become an example to the world and the merit of doing such a thing becomes the source of all wisdom: do not criticise: accept everything."

Those last words are probably the hardest I can imagine and yet they are surely what "opens the Gate", somehow I can feel the Wisdom in them.

Then I saw what Rev. Master MacPhillamy wrote about the Precept:

"Since these are my true refuge and the very Way, how could I turn from them myself, much less cause doubt about them to arise in others."

These are very powerful words for me, especially since there were already two times in my life where I turned away from Buddhism: first of all for many of my own selfish reasons, but also because of listening to others who said it was not possible for me to be "Buddhist" because of who I was. Rev. Master Morgan wrote about the Precept:

"Do not do that which denies the Buddha Nature in yourself or in others. Do not criticise but be willing to see the Buddha. We cannot see the hearts of others nor can we understand the true purpose of things whilst we set ourselves apart from them. Cynicism in the end leads to despair."

I am so grateful to everyone who has helped me to step out of this despair that I felt for a long time. The deepest wish of my heart has been to lead a spiritual life and how wonderful to be on that path now! How wonderful that the Still Small Voice never goes silent, but always continues to whisper!

I would also like to take the opportunity to offer the merit of this blog to Gary Bodin. He was my very first parnter when I was only 19 years old. He was 12 years older than I and taught me so much that helped me in life. I was also with him the first time I went to Shasta Abbey. Gary died from AIDS in 1992 and suffered a lot in his last days. Today, interestingly enough, would have been his 52 birthday.

I think the words to keep in my heart on my journey for the next ten days are:

"be willing to see the Buddha."

Do not be angry

No, not even at the slightest thing...it is so easy to become angry...I feel this especially when I ride my bike and pedestrians are on the bike path or cars have parked there! ARGGGG! I want to scream, I want to tell whoever it is how %*§$&* I think they are. And why? Is it perhaps because Ego is there...my bike path, my right to be here, not your right, etc, etc, etc...Ego likes to get angry, doesn't it?

Do not be angry...

Do not be miserly in giving Dharma and wealth

Remember one word can be just the right amount of Dharma for someone...or one blade of grass just enough wealth. And how easy it is to be miserly and forget even the smallest gift can work wonders...a miser does not realize this. Give with an open heart...I try to do this every day...

Do not be proud of oneself and devalue others

Just walking down the street in the city, how many times do I let thoughts play in my mind about others...not those I know...I usually do not devalue them...but look at that homeless person, look at that beggar, look at that business person who can only think of the next deal, look at that woman all made up with makeup, look at those punks drinking and foul-mouthed...look at me, who thinks he is just right! Follow your mind down the street and see how proud it is of itself and how it devalues others...you might be surprised!

Do not be pround of oneself and devalue others!

Do not speak against others

This is a very interesting Precept to follow throughout the day. How many times am I ready to say something about someone else? Many times! Sometimes without thinking, it just comes out---even just as a way to start conversation. Other times there is much more behind it, by speaking against others, sometimes I can make myself look better. Rather than speaking against others, remain silent. Or gain enough wisdom to speak without saying something against another, and just giving the information given.

This Precept has also taught me how often I waste time with empty chatter.

Let my words do no evil, let my words do good, let my words do good for others!