Wanting to help, but not being able to...

This is a picture that I keep on the shelf under the altar in our meditation room. It was drawn by my grandmother for me and it has so much meaning, especially because of how much she meant to me. But it also has another meaning. You see, my grandmother suffered from emphysema, and although this was a struggle for her, she lived a very long life into her 90's. However, the last two years of her life she lived in assisted living and sometimes she felt very closed in. So, on those days, she'd give me a call at work and we'd go for a drive...usually to a park or the botanic gardens in Denver or sometimes just going to the supermarket was fun for her. And, of course, for me as well.

However, one day she called and I could tell by her voice that she was really feeling closed in and sad. Many of the people she had first made friends with had passed away and it was not a day you could go outside walking. It was so hard for me because I was not able to leave work that day because of a meeting that was very important. I knew she understood, but I could still tell she was disappointed. I know she could tell by my voice that I felt guilty for not being able to help and I really struggled the rest of the day and through the meeting to keep my thoughts at work and what needed to be done. She had not created the guilt, I had.

What was so wonderful was that the very next day, in the mail came the picture you can see above. With it was the following poem:

Feel not remorse

At things undone,

As yet, they are to do!

You aren't a pigeon,

No wings have you,

And I understand.

With love,

Grandma R.

This is there on my altar to remind me of my grandmother and to offer merit to her whenever I can, but also to remind myself: sometimes we cannot help even though we want to and even though this is so, the love is always still there.